David Sedaris Is Still Having a Hoot Getting Dressed

What do you wear when you pick up trash?

Do you know Chimala? It’s a Japanese company that makes denim. Normally, I quit wearing jeans when I turned 40, but when I’m picking up trash and stuff, I have to go into a lot of blackberry bushes and thorn bushes. So, I need the heavy fabric, and I could never wear shorts or anything like that. And then a lot of Kapital.

I can’t imagine too many others are wearing Kapital denim to pick up garbage. I know you are a big fan of that label. What about their clothes do you find so compelling?

A lot of their stuff just looks bad on me. Do you know what I mean? It just looks awful on me. I just can’t resist. Also, they distress things in a way that they don’t look fake. Like a cardigan sweatshirt with big holes in it, but they’re always so well placed. It doesn’t look fake to me.

Or they do a shirt that looks like it belonged to a clown, so the neck hole is really huge, and then there’s a little collar on it, but the collar is where your chest would be. It’s just like you took the clothes off someone who lived under a bridge 60 years ago. That’s what it looks like. Not costumey. And really nice fabric, but just really beat up. So, that’s one corner of my closet.

In terms of footwear, I’m assuming that you’re a sneaker person with all the walking you do.

Yeah, I used to not wear sneakers, though. But my feet are like hobbit’s feet. I mean, they’re shaped like states, like the states you couldn’t name. They’re completely flat, and then I have bunions, and it’s awful. I wear Marsèll shoes; those are really soft, and those are good for you if you have bunions.

But my sister came home one day wearing these Bottega Venetas. Is that how you say it? They were rubber rain boots, and I said, “Oh, my god. They make you look like you’re carved out of wood. Those are great.” And she told me they make them for men, too. So anyway, I got a pair.

Did you get the boot version, or the one that is almost like a gardening clog?

I got the boot version; it’s like an ankle boot. They’re peanut butter-colored. They’re kind of great, and then I wasn’t sure. I said to the doorman, I said to somebody on the elevator, I said, “Please. Is this wrong?” She was mesmerized by them, and the doorman said, “Oh, Mr. Sedaris, those are great.” But you can’t trust anyone who calls you “sir” to give you a straight answer.

I know you mentioned that you’re off in your world, but people with a very high fashion IQ seem to love those boots. You have quite the eye.

I think part of it too is that sometimes you go to a store, and you’re the only person in there, so you tend to think you’re the only customer. Then you go back one day, and there are other customers, and you realize, “Oh, my god. They’re just like me. I’m a type.” You know?

What’s the type?

A person with too much money.

I also know that you’re a fan of bandanas and scarves.

Yeah, I have a lot of them. There is a store in SoHo, BDDW. It’s all designed by this one guy who lives in Oregon, and he makes furniture, and he makes lamps. And he makes clothes, too; M.Crow is the name of the clothing line. Anyways, they make really nice bandanas. But I use them. I have a lot of Kapital bandanas, and from 45rpm. I use them to wipe the sweat from my brow. I have a Kapital one that’s got fruit and a big drawing of people having sex on it. That was just a crazy pattern that attracted me to that.